Friday, March 28, 2008

Jim Cayne sells Bear Stearns' Stock, Risks Death Threats

I don't profess to be an expert in PR, however, if Jim Cayne would've come to me for advice about how to save his job at the end of 2007, the meeting would've gone as follows:

Jim: K10, I don't know what to do. I'm getting alot of flack from the board to step down as CEO because of this stupid credit mess that I had nothing to do with. I already fired Warren. What else should I do?

K10: Well Jim, since I'm not an expert in PR, I can't really tell you what you should do. What I can tell you is what you shouldn't do.

Jim: Ok, shoot.

K10: You should think about scaling back on all the bridge tournaments. It didn't look too good when you fired Warren for playing in a bridge tournament while you were actually at the tournament itself. Also, you probably shouldn't make any large purchases of real estate because all of that information is public and it will certainly find itself into the press if you purchase, for example, a $26 million condo at the Plaza. You know, that's just a hypothetical example. If you step down as CEO, you shouldn't replace yourself with an investment banker, because, well, BSC is really just a highly leveraged fixed income hedge fund masquerading as an investment bank, so it needs a guy who understands risk management and trading and financing not someone who just knows how to churn fees. The other thing is, if there is a massive liquidity crisis in the financial system where your bank is the target of malicious rumors, you should take them seriously and answer specific questions rather than just brushing them off. Also, in reference to my earlier comment about bridge. You shouldn't be at a bridge tournament when your bank is blowing out. Finally, after being painted into the corner and being forced to sell your company for first $2 a share, and then most likely $10 a share, you shouldn't under any circumstances punt all of your stock in the market at $10.85 before the deal goes through.

Jim: Why not? It's an extra $.85 a share.

K10: Because some disgruntled employee who just lost his life savings and thinks you should be working hard to get him an extra couple of dollars out of JP Morgan, might kill you.

Jim: Hogwash! All of it Hogwash!

K10: There's no smoking in here. Put out the cigar, please.


Oscar said...

Jimmy Cayne didn't just recently become a huge douchebag. If I worked at Bear, I couldn't kill him now because I'd be too embarrassed that I didn't kill him a long time ago.

Stephen said...

But Jim did recently beat Warren in the latest tournament...I can see him pounding his chest now as Warren was slowly getting out of his long Bear position ages ago...who had the last laugh there?