President Obama Talks to the Fat Cats

Upon hearing the news that Wells Fargo, the last of the big bank holdouts, had announced plans to repay TARP, President Obama rounded up the chief executives of the big banks for a stern tongue lashing. In addition to calling them "fat cats," the President let them know that he was not happy at all with how well they were doing. In fact, all the promised bank bonuses contrasted against the sorry state of employment was really getting on his nerves. So he urged them all to increase lending to small businesses and boost mortgage refinancing. Fortunately the heads of Goldman Sachs and Morgan Stanley exchanged confused glances and possibly exchanged the following words as they listened to the President on mute (neither of the two CEOs could be bothered to make it to the meeting in person, so they were conferenced in):

Blankfein: Do you know what he's talking about? We don't do small business loans. Do you?

Mack: Hell no! Why would we waste our time with that crap? We don't do refi's either. You?

Blankfein: Be serious! Although we do love to buy MBS from Fannie and sell it to the Fed the next day at a huge mark-up. Does that count? That's got to count.

Mack: Beats me. Anyway, just agree with everything he says.

When the executives pledged their support of tougher regulation of the financial services industry, the President responded with: "The problem is there's a big gap between what I'm hearing here at the White House and the activities of lobbyists on behalf of these institutions."

Mack: Crap! He's on to us.

Blankfein: Who cares? You want a sandwich? I'm sending my guys out for some lunch.