Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Can it Get Any Worse For Cerberus?

While lawmakers were busy attempting to hammer out a bailout plan for the automakers, somebody looked up, scratched his head, and said "Wait a minute, isn't Chrysler owned by a private equity firm?  Don't we hate those guys for contributing to the credit crisis by piling on debt to cyclical companies, laying off employees under the guise of "efficiency" and then driving them to bankruptcy because they didn't really know what they were doing and it was just a bubble?  Don't we also hate them for paying themselves all kinds of money and getting favorable tax treatment?  Wait a minute!  Didn't they hire John Snow, a guy who was so bad as the Treasury Secretary that he was forced out by the worst President in the history of the US?  More importantly, isn't Dan Quayle on their payroll????!"  Bailing out the public automakers, GM and Ford, that have been shut out of the capital markets is one thing.  But why should the government bailout Chrysler, privately owned by the three-headed dogs at Cerberus?  Don't the dogs have loads of capital that they can inject?  Details of the bailout plan will be forthcoming, but I hope Cerberus is at least required to pony up some cash alongside the government.
In other Cerberus Sucks news, GMAC's application to become a bank holding company was denied due to insufficient capital.  GMAC is attempting to complete an old-crappy-debt-for-new-crappy-debt swap to restructure. Again.  After the last restructuring didn't work.  So far, only 25% of investors are going for it.  Without the debt swap, the company's prospects are not looking so hot.  Apparently, there are only so many financial engineering tricks investors are willing to fall for before they throw in the towel and decide to take their chances in bankruptcy court.  Did Cerberus really think that guarding the gates of hell would be easy? 

No comments: